What Is the Gender Bender Fetish?

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How are you gonna just walk into a women’s store without anyone with you? It’s going to be too shady. Maybe bring a female friend or someone. But then again, you have to go about your business without them noticing, and that’s even worse. No, it’s better if you do it alone. There’s got to be an excuse. Yes, a gift! You’re going into the store to buy a gift, right? That’s completely innocent.

But there are so many shoes around, and there’s no one to try them on. They’re not for you — they’re but a gift, remember. So, you just have to browse the store imagining how they’ll fit. You stumble upon a perfect pair. By now, the salesman has approached you, and you’ve explained they’re a gift. Now is the time to muster the courage and ask the crucial question. You’re kind of clearing your throat, and the first couple of times you don’t say it audibly. The salesman is asking you to repeat it. At the end, you say it maybe too loudly, “Do you have size 12? Men’s…”

Like with any other fetish, it may be hard to understand gender bender if you don’t have that fetish. Like with any other fantasy, you may have tried to hide this kink from others. But, you can’t get fully satisfied if you don’t fulfill your dreams, can you? Or maybe you just want to find out more about BDSM and genderplay. Let’s get to it!

What Is Genderplay?

Genderplay, as the name suggests, revolves around playing with your gender. Or rather, playing with the role of it. Most of us have heard of cross-dressing. That’s when a man wears women’s clothes, such as high heels, dresses, lingerie, and so on. It can also involve makeup. Likewise, women can crossdress by putting on male shirts, suits, pants, etc. Although it is sexual in most cases, cross-dressing doesn’t necessarily have to be that wat. Some people don’t do it to get sexually aroused — they just like the aesthetics and the sensuality of it (a silky dress can be extremely comfortable to wear).

Genderplay is a step above cross-dressing. Basically, cross-dressing is simply the act of wearing other gender’s clothes. Genderplay consists of taking on the entire role of the other gender. For instance, if a woman is into genderplaying, she can wear a strap-on and be the one who penetrates. It’s important to note that genderplay doesn’t have anything to do with your sexual orientation. People who are into genderplay are not (necessarily) closeted homosexuals. It’s also not about having a gender identity disorder. It is also not transgenderism — people who genuinely want to be the opposite sex are transgender.

Why Is Genderplay Related to BDSM?

Many see genderplay as a BDSM practice. While it doesn’t have to be a BDSM routine, it is, in most cases. Apart from being able to live out your fantasy of assuming the other gender’s roles, genderplay can also be a form of punishment. People who are into genderplay often enjoy being in a sub/Dom relationship too. For example, some men will put on sexy women’s clothes, such as lingerie. This helps them mentally approach their role of being dominated. On the other hand, women can also dominate more easily if they dress up as men (and they’re into genderplay).

There are toys that can aid you fulfill the fantasy and fully switch things up. Obviously, a strap-on is there to help things out massively. For guys, you can get a vagina prosthesis to really help you get into the role.

It can be a fantasy on its own. However, more often than not, doms use genderplay as a form of punishment (sometimes reward) to their sub.

Genderplay vs. Gender Identity

You may be thinking about getting into genderplay, but you’re worried it might mess up with your gender identity further down the road? Don’t worry! Many see genderplay as just messing around and having fun. As we’ve already said, this has nothing to do with your sexual orientation or your gender identity.

Genderplay is when you temporarily change your gender role for sexual pleasure. You crossdress, go to your Dom, you play around for as much time as you want, and that’s it. Once you’re done, you get back to your everyday clothes and your everyday you. Being into genderplay doesn’t mean you’re uncomfortable with your natural gender you identify with.

Gender identity is something different. It’s not really sexual. For instance, when a man feels like a woman and wants to become a woman, he’s a transgender. His gender identity is different to his biological gender.

If you’re gender nonconforming (i.e., you disagree with your biological gender roles), you can find your identity elsewhere. There are many different gender identities out there. You can feel bigender, nonbinary, agender, and so on. You can question your gender identity, but don’t confuse that with genderplay, which is just having some BDSM fun.


If it’s a guy who’s into genderplay, we call that role changing feminization. Some also refer to it as forcefem, slut training, and sissification. With women, the term is masculinization, but it’s not as common. But, if it has nothing to do with your identity or orientation, what exactly is the appeal of feminization fetish?

Guys who are into feminization use it as a means to be feminine for a period of time. Generally speaking, men are supposed to be these macho dudes who have to be manly and masculine. Feminization allows them to run away from those roles and experience something different. Forced feminization is also a part of BDSM, where the Dom takes control of their sub by dressing them up and making them a sissy (hence, sissification).

All in all, it’s just harmless fun that allows you to not be yourself for a couple of hours. Now go and get those shoes you thought would look amazing on you!